Falls Apart
by Julie AV
Summary: a oneshot. this is about what fang felt like when he walked away... flew away from Max in the third book. how i think everything happened. read and review if you have a heart. i dont really no if i should even post this, so you all will make up my mind.th


Falls apart

Fang's pov

I couldn't leave, but I had to. I couldn't stay, but I needed to. I cared about Max too much to angry with her. Ari had almost killed me on more then one occasion, he had kidnapped Angel, and he had said stuff to Max that made me so angry that I was going to kill him. So when she asked him to join us, I had to leave. I couldn't stay with Max, not if he was going to be there. So I walked away.

**It falls, apart, from the very start, it falls apart.  
It falls, apart, from the very start, it falls apart.**

From the minute I flew away, I knew I had made a mistake. I had split up the flock, it was my fault. I could say it was Max's until my face turned blue, but it was mine. She was just making sure that karma didn't bite her in the ass. It did that to us a lot.

Ari had given Max information when the rest of us were stuck to tables in a lab, worried sick about her. He hadn't meant any harm then, but from what I knew about him, he had always meant harm. He didn't want to hurt Max, back when he could, he never had; at least, that is what Angel said. He _loved_ Max. He thought he did anyway. I think he respected her.

He admired how she didn't ever give up. He was entranced with the way she kept her cool, even in the face of danger. He respected how she struggled to reach perfection.

Perfection was impossible for humans. Good thing Max was more then human, she was more than your average person. She wouldn't do anything to harm someone, unless they hurt her first. She had survival instincts to rival those of a military instructor who was known for the best gut instincts. She would do anything to keep me alive, just like I would for her. But I had left her, and for dead for all I know.

**It falls, apart, from the very start it  
falls apart, seems like everything I touch,  
Falls apart, everything around me  
falls apart, when I walk away from you.**

We had been flying for about 3 hours, and every second, I wanted to turn around. But Max wouldn't want me back, not now, not after I left her with that monster.

I could totally see where Ari was coming from. Jeb had abandoned him for us. When I found out that I was abandoned, not just orphaned, if there had been a person other then Jeb who caused it, I may have killed them too. And to think, Jeb really was Ari's father. What would I have done then?

**I wish I could but I don't,  
always keep the promises I've kept.  
I wish I could, but I can't,  
always give, whatever I have left.  
And now it's all so clear,  
doesn't anyone see what's happening here**

I knew that I wouldn't be able to last very long away from her, but I also knew that I couldn't to back to her. She would have to ask me to come back, or things would never be the same. I couldn't just show up, and expect to be taken back. Neither could she. One would have to need the other, and ask them to come back, or things would be different. Tense.

I don't think I could deal with this life without Max. You know how people say that someone is the reason they get up in the morning? Well for me, that reason is Max.

Even if she doesn't know it, I have always liked her. When I was little, I think it was because of how caring she was. We were only 4 or 5 and she was doing her best to keep me alive and healthy… well as healthy as you can be when you are getting experimented on at the School.

There was something about her… I haven't ever put my finger on it, but there was something about her that I had never seen in anyone else before. It wasn't just her caring nature, or her tough exterior, but the way she managed to stay a human. Well, as human as we get. She kept her values after all that she had seen and been through, and that was something that amazed me to no end about her.

**It falls, apart, from the very start it  
falls apart, seems like everything I touch,  
Falls apart, everything around me  
falls apart, when I walk away from you.  
When I walk away from you**.

She wasn't out for pity either. She had been through even more then me at that school, and she didn't ever say how terrible it was. Nor did she complain about how tough life is, even when it drove her to the point of trying to perform a surgery on her own arm.

That day on the beach when she tried to cut out her chip because the voice was bothering her, she wasn't thinking, and just wanted it out. She wasn't trying to kill herself, she wouldn't ever do that, she was just trying to escape from the cards that she had been dealt.

Even I told myself this, I was still paralyzed with fear at the memory of Max, bleeding, sawing at her wrist, like she wanted to kill herself. It still scared me, and still haunted my dreams at night, causing me to wake up in a cold sweat. But she loved the flock to much to kill herself, and take away their leader, their surrogate mom.

She had a voice in her head, telling her to save the world. She could hardly keep the flock safe, much less the whole world! She didn't let the voice get to her anymore, well that is what she said anyway, but I knew it still bothered her.

**I know I should, but I don't,  
always say, what you want me to say.  
I know I could, but I don't,  
Always act, like everything's ok.  
And now it's all so clear,  
doesn't anyone see what's happening here?**

When she had gotten her chip removed, by Dr. Martinez, I had been so scared. I didn't know this woman, who had saved Max before, and I didn't know if she could do this without hurting Max. Max had wanted to hold my hand, which, at any other time, would have made me the happiest man alive, but this time, it just scared me more.

I knew that Max was scared, because her brow was slightly creased, right in the middle, and her brown eyes were somewhat glassy. Then when Dr. Martinez put the velum in her, I nearly grabbed her and ran.

But I stayed, and held her hand. Then she said that she loved me. I mean, I know that she was messed up on drugs, but still, I couldn't believe that she had said it. She never talked about feelings with me, especially love.

**It falls, apart, from the very start it  
falls apart, seems like everything I touch,  
Falls apart, everything around me  
falls apart, when I walk away from you.  
When I walk away from you.  
When I walk away from-**

I knew that she loved the flock, but I don't think that she has ever said it. I don't know why, but for some reason, even her rough exterior couldn't hide how she felt about Angel, or Gazzy, or Nudge, or Iggy. I had seen her looking at them, and I could see her eyes soften, and the tension drain away.

She would get frustrated with them, sure, but she still loved them. Maybe that is why she felt that she had to take Ari with her. Maybe she thought that he would know inside stuff about Itex, and would give that to her if she accepted him as is.

I don't really know why she did let him that close to the kids, but she must trust him, if she would let him into her lives. I trust her judgment, but I just can't stand the thought that she picked to take in a traitor, and a not so innocent person, who had nearly killed me. Was what he did to me not even important? Had she already dismissed that as ok?

**Everything I, have ever been made of  
Hates who I am, I'm so glad you waited.  
Can't get my mind, off how you could love me  
I'm so behind, you're so far above me.**

Max had cried when she saw me bleeding on the sand, right after New York, and I knew that she was upset, because she had kissed me. I felt a lump rise in my throat, and had to swallow it, knowing that I couldn't turn back, not now.

I don't know if I can ever go back, after I said those things to her, would she even want me to come back? I doubt it.

I'm sure that even if Max doesn't want me back, I am going back. I will stay away for a week, if I can last that long, and then I am going back. Ari will be gone by then, and I can re-unite the flock. Max will want Iggy and Gazzy back, I am sure, they did nothing wrong, but I did. Will she want me back?

If she doesn't, I can't really blame her. But whether or not she wants me there, I will be there. I will always follow a few steps behind her, waiting for the day where she needs help, and I will be there to give it to her.

**And you'll always be  
the wind under my wings, above me.  
And you'll always be  
the wind under my wings, above me.**

Even nearly perfect people mess up. She would eventually make a mistake, or not listen to her gut, and she would need someone to help bail her out. That someone would be me. I will make sure that I won't ever let her down again.

I would just wait for a few days, go as far from her as I could, and then, when my self control broke, it would take longer for me to get to her. I wasn't going to abandon her, but I wasn't going to come crawling back to her either. She had made a mistake, at least I think so, but I had made one too. My mistake was worse. She put us in danger by asking him to join us, and then again re-visiting a place where we had already been, but by splitting us up, it was like taking half of my instincts away.

If this was affecting her like it was me, then her gut feelings were fried, and wouldn't be working quite right.

**I will not let it go to waste  
I'm taken all, I got, and leaving this place and  
I will not, let it go to waste  
I'm taking all I got, and leaving this place and**

**I will not be taking up space  
I'll take my best shot  
I'm picking up the pace.**

I noticed a thin streak of light on the eastern horizon. Daytime. Time to land.

"Guys, we need to land," I said, my voice horse from lack of use, and from the tears that I was holding in.

I don't cry, not ever. Even if I am 'Mr. Emotionless' I have emotions. And they hurt me most of the time. When I think about Max, my heart gives a painful thump, as if emphasizing how I shouldn't have left her.

When my organs were nearly ripped out from, guess whose, claws I simply clenched my jaw and dealt. But this, this fear that I might not be considered a part of the flock by her anymore, this hurt more.

What if I couldn't find her when I went looking for her?

**It falls, apart, from the very start it  
falls apart, seems like everything I touch,  
Falls apart, everything around me  
falls apart, when I walk away from you.**

I hadn't thought of this before, what if she when too far away? What if she got new coordinates from the voice, and left without a trace? How would I ever find her then?

What if she really needed me, and I couldn't get to her?! Now I was panicking.

No, I told myself, I will always find her.

**It falls, apart, from the very start it  
falls apart, seems like everything I touch,  
Falls apart, everything around me  
falls apart, when I walk away from you.**

Max would not have to beg for me to come back, I would be there. I don't care where she is, I will be there. In one week.

But so much can happen in one week. What if she needs me before then? What if she needs me today? I will have to go help her.

But then again, she wouldn't ask for my help, and even if she needed it, she wouldn't be able to tell me.

Great, now I have been reduced to arguing with myself. No, I will see the rest of the flock, all together, as soon as I think that Ari will be gone, and not a problem.

He wouldn't hurt Max, not if he truly loved her, like Angel said he does. Then he won't hurt her, or the rest of the flock, because she will get in the way, and he won't want to hurt her. So they will be safe.

I will keep my mini-flock safe, and we will all be together soon, and we will all be safe. For now, anyways.

**When I walk away from you.  
When I walk away from you...**

**A/N ok, so for all of you i PM'ed about this, it was becasue you reviewed for my last story, but didnt specify on wether or not i should put up a chapter telling you all i was writing. so... i pm'ed. **

**to the story, the song is called Falls Apart, by thousand foot crunch, and they are a great band, this is a great song ect. so... LOVE IT! and anyhow, please review so i will know if i made a mistake posting this. thank you!**


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